Well, that's until Mira came along. When you're pregnant, you have a certain vision of how bringing home the baby will be - caring for her, cuddling, feeding, bonding, touching, kissing, just everything. So when my water ruptured prematurely in the early morning hours of July 5, it also ruptured the vision I'd had of the kind of mom I would be. That's when I realized that God must be determined to teach me patience once and for all.
I stayed in the hospital for four days before Mira was born. In that time, I had to lay in uncomfortable positions to keep my fetal monitor on round-the-clock, deal with medical residents playing "doctor" on us for grades and giggles, suffer through blood pressure checks and IV changes every 3 to 4 hours, and stay in the bed 24/7. And the night before Mira was born, I had been transferred to the ante-partum section of the hospital, which was where women go who are "gonna be here awhile."
So you can just imagine the conversations God and I were having throughout and the barrage of questions I had for Him. First, "Why?" Then, "How?" Lastly, "What?" Why this, why me, why now? How am I going to parent a baby that I can't hold and how am I going to afford this all? And what lesson are you trying to teach me? That's when it hit me. PATIENCE! I realized that I would need to couple it with my faith to get through this new phase of life that God has laid before me. Because faith divorced from patience is a recipe for frustration and anxiety.
I didn't see or touch Mira until 12 hours after I had her, I didn't hold her in my arms and against my skin for two weeks, I didn't bathe her for three weeks or kiss her face for four weeks. God sure does know how to teach you a lesson the hard way. Yet I am grateful for this baby, the way and time she decided to be born, these delays, this time and these life lessons.
If you find yourself in the NICU, just know that there's nothing, absolutely nothing, you can do to make the time go by any faster so check your impatience at the door. You can't rush your baby's healing or progress, and Lord knows the timeline is really up to your baby and God. Learn patience if you didn't have it before. Because no matter if your baby's stay is a day, a week or a month (or more), whether or not it feels like eternity or torture or a time of helplessness is all up to your ability to marry your patience with faith.
Side note: These days I dream of kidnapping Mira to take her home, but it's fleeting. LOL I called my mama the other day to see if she would drive the get away car...she agreed. LOL You will have those feelings. I keep mine at bay through prayer, talking and reading to Mira and taking naps while I'm holding my baby in the NICU.
I hope this helps and thanks for your prayers and support.
|Started from the bottom...|
|...now we here!|